Bernie Sanders Decries Talent Gap in Western Conference Playoffs
Sanders: “We want a conference that works for all the teams, not just the ones at the top.” Continue reading Bernie Sanders Decries Talent Gap in Western Conference Playoffs
Tag: nba
Kawhi Leonard Reveals He Traded His Emotions for Defensive Prowess
While accepting his second consecutive Defensive Player of the Year award, San Antonio Spurs forward Kawhi Leonard revealed that he traded his ability to feel emotions in order to gain the impeccable footwork, long arms, immense hands and uncanny ability to read opposing players’ body language that earned the 24-year-old 547 points and 84 first-place votes for DPOY from the voting panel of 130 sportswriters … Continue reading Kawhi Leonard Reveals He Traded His Emotions for Defensive Prowess
Local Warlock Group Proposes Washington Wizards Name Change Citing Prejudice
Washington, DC – “Vie dans des ancêtres, renforcer noblesse. Comme des ancêtres, de coeur noblesse. Décider on de ancêtres, garder noblesse.” Smith Johnson looks to his coven. “The spell has been completed. We may now continue the interview.” Johnson and his party state that they have successfully opened a window of communication with their ancestors, who are furious about the offensive nature behind the Washington … Continue reading Local Warlock Group Proposes Washington Wizards Name Change Citing Prejudice
Golden State to Miss Playoffs After NBA Remembers Rule Against Moving Screens
Lacking an Outside Shot Or Ability to Lure Free Agents, Dwyane Wade Gets a Tattoo of an Arm on His Arm
After a career without developing an outside shot, Dwyane Wade’s failing knees, faltering quickness, and newfound inability to draw more talented basketball players to Miami seemed to spell the end of the Heat guard’s storied career. But that career just got a shot in the arm. A series of shots in the arm, in fact. Wade’s new tattoo of what looks like a center or … Continue reading Lacking an Outside Shot Or Ability to Lure Free Agents, Dwyane Wade Gets a Tattoo of an Arm on His Arm
Orlando Magic Issue Statement Confirming They Still Exist, Are a Basketball Team
It’s the story no one is talking about: The Orlando Magic are still a basketball team, and their front office wants the world to know, calling a press conference Monday that is imagined to have been very scarcely attended. While Golden State was opening the season with an historic win streak, the San Antonio media often reported that “no one was talking about the Spurs, … Continue reading Orlando Magic Issue Statement Confirming They Still Exist, Are a Basketball Team
A Tearful Tim Duncan Shoots Boban Marjanovic After Boban Accidentally Hugs Patty Mills to Death
Only the topmost seats of the AT&T Center were lit now. The shadows on the court blue and soft. From the distance came the sound of men shouting to one another. Tim Duncan turned his head to the shouts. Boban said, “Timmy.” “Yeah.” “Ain’t ya gonna give me hell?” “Give ya hell?” “Sure, like you always done before. Like, If I di’n’t have you, I’d … Continue reading A Tearful Tim Duncan Shoots Boban Marjanovic After Boban Accidentally Hugs Patty Mills to Death
Derrick Rose Stops Using Left-Hand, Citing Desire to Someday Play the Clarinet
Donald Trump Vows to Make Knicks Great Again
On the heels of another super Tuesday victory, The Donald made a shocking claim. “As president of the United States, the first thing I will do is buy the New York Knicks and make them great again.” Continue reading “Donald Trump Vows to Make Knicks Great Again”
Who Wore it Better?—Blazer of the Month
Spotted at the free throw line Sunday night at the Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Meyers Leonard, forward-center of the Portland Trailblazers, was wearing the road blacks. Continue reading “Who Wore it Better?—Blazer of the Month”
Pine Jockeys 