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NBA Officials: We Don’t Know WHAT Happened, But The Results Seem About Right

The NBA weighed in on the final play of Game 2 of the Thunder-Spurs game played Monday night. According to league officials, “the referees missed, like, a six or seven possible fouls on the play, but San Antonio ended up getting an open look at a three and missed it, so it all worked out okay, we guess.” The report outlined a list of uncalled, … Continue reading NBA Officials: We Don’t Know WHAT Happened, But The Results Seem About Right

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Celtics, Fans Relieved That It’s Over, It’s Finally Over

As the Atlanta Hawks pulled away after halftime Thursday night, a palpable sense of relief spread through TD Garden. The unwatchable playoff nightmare for the beloved home team was coming to a close. “This team gave it…” started Boston Celtics fan Trisha McDunan, before hesitating and continuing “this team gave it—not good try, but a try. But I hope it wasn’t their best try because, … Continue reading Celtics, Fans Relieved That It’s Over, It’s Finally Over

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Kawhi Leonard Reveals He Traded His Emotions for Defensive Prowess

While accepting his second consecutive Defensive Player of the Year award, San Antonio Spurs forward Kawhi Leonard revealed that he traded his ability to feel emotions in order to gain the impeccable footwork, long arms, immense hands and uncanny ability to read opposing players’ body language that earned the 24-year-old 547 points and 84 first-place votes for DPOY from the voting panel of 130 sportswriters … Continue reading Kawhi Leonard Reveals He Traded His Emotions for Defensive Prowess

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Lacking an Outside Shot Or Ability to Lure Free Agents, Dwyane Wade Gets a Tattoo of an Arm on His Arm

After a career without developing an outside shot, Dwyane Wade’s failing knees, faltering quickness, and newfound inability to draw more talented basketball players to Miami seemed to spell the end of the Heat guard’s storied career. But that career just got a shot in the arm. A series of shots in the arm, in fact. Wade’s new tattoo of what looks like a center or … Continue reading Lacking an Outside Shot Or Ability to Lure Free Agents, Dwyane Wade Gets a Tattoo of an Arm on His Arm

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Orlando Magic Issue Statement Confirming They Still Exist, Are a Basketball Team

It’s the story no one is talking about: The Orlando Magic are still a basketball team, and their front office wants the world to know, calling a press conference Monday that is imagined to have been very scarcely attended. While Golden State was opening the season with an historic win streak, the San Antonio media often reported that “no one was talking about the Spurs, … Continue reading Orlando Magic Issue Statement Confirming They Still Exist, Are a Basketball Team

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Popovich Blames Loss to Hornets on Celebratory Room-Temp Tap Water Drinking Ritual After Warriors W

CHARLOTTE, NC—After a victory against the league-leading Golden State Warriors at home Saturday, the San Antonio Spurs were surprised in an upset loss to the Charlotte Hornets, who overcame a 21-point first quarter deficit, led by guard Jeremy Lin’s 29 points. The Hornets game had “trap” written all over it, after the Spurs completed a five-game home stand that saw them record a series of solid … Continue reading Popovich Blames Loss to Hornets on Celebratory Room-Temp Tap Water Drinking Ritual After Warriors W

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League’s Courtside Photographers: Please Stop Running Into Us

NEW YORK—Citing that they’re holding very expensive equipment and only trying to help make the league more popular, courtside photographers issued a statement asking NBA players to stop running into them all the time. “We understand that you’re in the game and moving very fast,” the press release stated. “But you’re also world-class athletes. Could you just try a little harder? Or at least apologize … Continue reading League’s Courtside Photographers: Please Stop Running Into Us

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