Draymond Green To Just Be the Heel From Now On

Already known as a prolific trash talker and maestro of the moving screen, Draymond Green has embraced his role as hated heel on the Golden State Warriors. In addition to teeing off on any unguarded scrotum within kicking distance, the 26-year-old power forward has been overheard workshopping nicknames for himself during practice and around the locker room.

“Call me Mean Draymond Green!” Green shouted as he sent Warriors guard Klay Thompson to the ground with a swift punch to Thompson’s crotch at Sunday’s shoot-around. “No wait, how does Mean Green sound? Just Mean Green? Klay?”

The winded and pained Thompson did not weigh in.

The role of “the heel,” who plays dirty and thrives off the scorn of opposing crowds, is normally reserved for Australians such as the Cleveland Cavaliers’ Matthew Delladova  or the Warriors’ own Andrew Bogut.

But Green, a versatile and talented player for the Warriors, appears to have found his niche. In addition to his trademark complaining to refs, and constant illegal deployment of moving screens, Green has discovered a knack for kicking opposing players right in the balls.

“People say Draymond hit that big New Zealand boy’s nuts on purpose in two games,” said Green’s mother, Mary Babers, “but that’s ignoring all the other crotch shots that he didn’t get credit for! He’s Draymond Green, the King Kicker of Peen!”

Given Green’s Game 3 performance, Adams suggested in a noticeably high-pitched voice that Green name himself for his plus/minus:“Draymond Green, The Minus 43.”