After a career without developing an outside shot, Dwyane Wade’s failing knees, faltering quickness, and newfound inability to draw more talented basketball players to Miami seemed to spell the end of the Heat guard’s storied career. But that career just got a shot in the arm. A series of shots in the arm, in fact.

Wade’s new tattoo of what looks like a center or possibly stretch 4’s arm striking his right forearm is sure to extend the aging shooting guard’s career. Getting to the line has rarely been a problem for the wily vet. His ability to flop into fouls is almost as legendary as his ability to attach himself to more talented players, much like a remora uses its sucky mouth to attach itself to a shark.

League officials, fooled by the tattoo artist’s unparalleled trompe d’oeil, have found themselves sending Wade to the line while he warms up in an otherwise empty gym.

“Heck, he’s gotten whistles with less contact than that,” Heat president Pat Riley pointed out. “I’m really glad that Wade chose to do this, without me needing to do any sort of creepy, slicked-hair-man mental machinations.”

The Heat star himself was fairly candid about his reasoning.

“Well, LeBron left, and I still can’t shoot a three to save my life, and Shaq retired, so, you know…it was that or lure some other once-in-a-generation talent to come and win me another title,” Wade said with a shrug. “But if Shaq and the officials could get me my first title, maybe Flash can do it without Shaq—or Lebron—one more time.”

As of press time Chris Bosh was trying to remind Wade that he existed.