It’s the story no one is talking about: The Orlando Magic are still a basketball team, and their front office wants the world to know, calling a press conference Monday that is imagined to have been very scarcely attended.

While Golden State was opening the season with an historic win streak, the San Antonio media often reported that “no one was talking about the Spurs, and that’s just how [the Spurs] like it.”

If the statement had been remotely true, it would have been a paradox. No one bothered to point out that the Orlando Magic were actually the team no one was talking about, because many NBA fans, and many of the coaches had forgotten that the franchise still had an active roster, full of NBA players, that played games against other NBA teams.

“‘Orlando Magic?’ That sounds right,” said Orlando resident Jennifer Brigadoon, before adding, “I had a cousin who used to pole dance there—at all those places down on Orange Blossom Trail: Magic, Cheeks, Madame Aerola’s. She did topless, pole, the whole shebang.”

When asked if the town had a basketball team, local Orlando resident Hector Valdez said, “That has a familiar ring to it,” but admitted he thought they left for Los Angeles some time in the early ‘90s, and that he had only lived in Orlando since being born there in 1978.

Nationwide, the situation was much worse. Washington Wizard John Wall said that, while he remembered the Magic having Penny Hardaway and Shaq on the popular video game NBA Jam, the team didn’t actually ever really play.

“It was a tie-in with Disney, I think” the 25-year-old point guard told reporters at the Verizon Center on Jan. 9, after Wall scored 24 points in a 105-99 victory over the visiting Orlando Magic.

”Despite what you may have heard, we do still exist,” a statement issued from the team to an empty room read. “We play in that town that has Disney World. The rumors that you haven’t heard claiming that we have some sort of enchanted cloak that makes us invisible to the national media are categorically false.”

As of press time, no one could be reached for comment.